I’ve lost my way slightly. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My anxiety has been a real issue for the past month or so which has made things challenging and I’ve felt very off balance and out of tune with myself. So my weekend off was spent with me, myself and I. Focusing on reconnecting my mind, body and soul.
Saturday I managed to get a lot of me time during the day and afternoon. It was well needed. My Saturday evening was spent on Skype to L back home which made me feel so much better. Recently my anxiety has made me go into my shell a bit and social interactions are something that I have not been fond of lately. I live at the yard where i’m working, as do a lot of the other staff members which makes it hard to separate work life and social life but it makes it easier for you to get sucked into any drama or gossip which I think is what has had a huge impact on my anxiety. Previously, I have lived in a place where everyone knew everyone. I think I had been living there for about a week and I was already aware that I was being spoken about at the shops, hairdressers and pubs. It didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t like it. Coming from a small town outside of Manchester where everybody knew someone who knew that other someone but you never really had to worry about being the talk of the town. There were hundreds of people that lived in that one little area. The area was small enough to get to know the regulars you might see on your trip to work, school or at the pub but there were that many people living there that nobody ever really bothered to gossip. People just got on with their lives but here its hard to avoid the drama and gossip. Even when it doesn’t concern you, you will still get sucked in and this weekend I’ve had time to sit back and realise that all the drama going on is having a impact on my wellbeing. So it’s time to distance myself. It’s time to realise when someone needs a ear to listen or when they are just playing Chinese whispers.
Sunday. My favourite day of the week (when i’m not working…). The day of rest. I managed to get a bit of a lie in, chilled out in bed and then took myself to the pool in the afternoon and spent a couple of hours there by myself. It was bliss! Got some swimming done, picked up more of a tan and read a book. The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. To anyone who needs to switch their minds from negative to positive, anyone looking for some guidance or anyone spiritual really I could not recommend this book anymore! It’s amazing. So down to earth, easy to read and understand. It was the book I needed to read this weekend. I managed to get a couple of chapters read and it definitely helped me realise how my mindset has changed slightly. I’ve slipped back into my old ways and its time for me to get back on track. It’s time to focus on the positives. It’s now yearling prep at work (Stud Work – Yearling Prep) which means work has gotten heaps busier and its going to get even more busier as the weeks go on and I am finding it a challenge. For the past couple of weeks it’s been a challenge that I wasn’t quite sure I was going to complete or not but I’ve had a chance to realise that my negativity wasn’t helping the situation and I was probably making it more difficult for myself (yes…I have just admitted that…) but when you get sucked back into that negative whirlwind it’s hard to actually notice that you are creating your own negativity. Sit back and evaluate the situation. So I’ve been pretty negative about work recently but why? Well overall I’ve been in a negative mindset for the past month. Looking back to how I was when I first arrived to how I am now I can see how it has been a roller-coaster and I feel like this is as low as I’m going to go. Now is the time to regain my positivity and get back on track. A clear and positive mind leads to a positive and rewarding life.
Sunday evening I meditated. As I have been feeling a little bit lost I decided to do a specific meditation that would allow me to ask for guidance. So I went to visit Jasper (my unicorn…this article here might provide you with more insight…). My earphones were in and I zoned out. My muscles relaxed and my body went heavy. I’ve been trying to mediate over the past few weeks but I’ve found it very difficult as my mind just fails to switch off. During this meditation I did keep zoning in and out but it was easier to bring myself back and continue meditating. When I go to the realm of the unicorn I always imagine myself bare foot. Grounding myself to the Earth. I looked down at my feet several times during the meditation and I could see lush green grass below them but I noticed that in the physical world, whenever I was looking at my feet and focusing on what I could feel beneath them, my actual feet would tingle and there were times where I could feel the grass underneath them. It was a familiar feeling. It was weird but very interesting to experience.
Usually during my meditations I can feel the vibrations and the energy in my aura but I struggled to feel that power this time but when Jasper appeared I was hit with this magical energy. This positive and magical energy. After about 5 minutes or so I had a chance to ask him for any help or ask him any questions, so I asked him for guidance. He told me to call upon Archangel Michael, he’d be able to help me get back on my path. He carried on to say that he knows i’m confused about my work life/career but I need to focus on my spirituality and the part that really got to me was when he said that he would always be the horse in my life. The horse that I can call upon whenever and the horse that will always be there. I’ve known for a while that I don’t want to carry on in the horse industry but I love horses so much and with where I am at in my life at the moment, i’m not ready to commit to one because I don’t quite feel ready to settle down yet. Horses are a big commitment but there is a whole world out there ready for me to explore but i’m at peace when i’m with horses. I’m grounded. So when Jasper said that to me it was heart warming and reassuring that I would always have a horse there with me, wherever I end up and not just any horse…a unicorn!
Me and Jasper said our goodbyes and I continued to meditate which is when I called upon Archangel Michael for guidance. He told me I need to get back into my positive mindset, reconnect with my soul and stay focused on myself. Anxiety is something that is nothing, therefore it can be ignored. There is no need to listen to it because it’s nothing. What you’re worrying about is nothing. What you’re stressing about is nothing. What you’re paranoid about is nothing and it was pretty powerful to hear him that. It really sunk in and I woke up today feeling 10 times better. We’ve had a very busy morning at work and my anxiety stayed quiet. No paranoia, racing heartbeats, unnecessary sweating or mental breakdowns.
The real challenge will be keeping it all up. Reminding my mind to stay positive. Keeping my attitude positive. Realising what has/will have a negative or positive impact on me. Needless to say i’ll be keeping in contact with Archangel Michael and Jasper. I know that in my free time I need to do more reading and more 5/10 minute meditations. Keep the positive energies flowing.
One day, I will be able to say I am anxiety free.
Stay positive and keep going forward,
Love you all lots,