I’ve been in Australia now for just over 2 weeks and even in that short period of time I’ve learnt some interesting and slightly eye opening things about myself.
When you suffer from a mental illness it can be hard to realise your self worth. My depression led me to believe that I am worthless, useless and at one point I believed there was no reason for me to be here. My depression made me focus on everything negative and I saw myself in a negative way. Since finishing my counselling and CBT therapy I started to learn how to love and appreciate myself for the first time ever but since moving to Australia I’ve realised how much my friends and family love me. I’ve always felt somewhat worthless. My depression blocked me from seeing any love in my life. I knew my family cared for me but I never really understood why because I never valued myself. My move has helped me realise how much I mean to my friends and family. It’s helped me realise my self worth and if I ever get any moments of doubt, I now know there are people out there who do love me.
My best friends are people who I love dearly. I can’t really even put into words how much I love them and how much they mean to me. Despite the time difference and the fact that we are living thousands of miles away from each other, I know that I can always count on them. They’ll always be there. We still talk like we did when I was back home. Nothing has really changed. They’ll always be the ones that helped me in my darkest times. They’ll always be referred to as my best friends and I will always tell others how amazing they are. L, Z and E if you ever read this, you guys are truly amazing people and you are very precious to me. Always have and always will be.
So far the Ozzy lifestyle is going perfectly for me! It’s given me a clearly understand of how I want my life to be lived and it’s made me 100% sure that I am not going to live back in the UK again. That life isn’t for me. I have my space here. My anxiety calmed down almost as soon as I landed and I feel free here. I know what I want from my life. I don’t know what I want to do in my life but I don’t want to know that. I’m looking forward to my future because I don’t know what to expect! My PTSD kept me stuck in my past traumas. As soon as I got on that plane, the door was closed to my past and I cannot begin to explain the relief I felt. My anxiety had me dreading my future but now I see my future in a positive light. I know now that I am going to be okay. I’m gonna be happy. The dread and fear have gone and I’m filled with excitement and happiness! Instead of dreading any future challenges the universe may throw at me, I am ready to take them on and to learn from them. I’m ready to notice them, accept them and move on. I’m done with feeling sorry for myself and asking “why me?” whenever a challenge comes up. I’m ready to notice what the universe wants to teach me and I’m ready to learn.
I’ve always been a fairly independent person but there have been times where my anxiety got in the way and I relied on others to go and order the drinks because I was too anxious to go to the bar by myself and what not but since being here my anxiety has calmed down and I’ve gained more independence. My independence started when I moved away for college. Over time I liked to think I was more independent than what I really was. I still relied on others, I just didn’t want to admit it and when it came to times where I really did have to be independent, I would be riddled with anxiety and 9 times out of 10 I would probably have a panic attack. Thankfully none of that has happened here! My independence will really be challenged here but I am ready to take the challenge on and to encourage myself in any moments of doubt or fear. I know I’ve got this!
I know I’ve only been here a couple of weeks and who knows, my point of view could have changed by next week but that’s the thing! No one knows! That’s what it making this all the more exciting! No matter how much planning/predicting you try to do, your future is still unknown. Make sure you live in the moment and take each day as it comes!
To anyone who gets a opportunity that gives them butterflies…go for it. Sometimes you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone to really enjoy your life and to make the most of it. There’s a whole world out there and so many opportunities for you to take. Don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of your souls pathway.
It’s your time to shine.
Love you all so much,