It’s a saying we tell our friends and family members usually during a difficult time. It’s a saying I used to despise hearing. If anyone ever dared to say that to me I would be filled with rage and anger.
After my dads death, I struggled to figure out why. Why him? He was a good man. He had a good life. At the time I needed to hate someone for taking my dad away from me. I needed to blame someone. As I don’t really believe there is a God out there, I turned my hatred to the universe. I destroyed my own belief in fate and destiny. Everything happens for a reason was a saying I used to believe in before my dads death, but for years after it was a saying that caused me pain, hurt and I would end up lashing out at either myself or others. I thought it was a load of bullshit.
Over the past couple of years, especially this year, my attitude towards the phrase has changed. I’ve reconnected myself with my soul, gained knowledge and acceptance. Acceptance that there will be situations in life that you can’t control, but you can either let those situations eat you up and destroy you or you can accept them and learn from them. During my counselling sessions I learnt that I needed to accept my dads death in order to move on. Acceptance can be different for everybody. In the past 10 years I’ve visited my dads grave probably 5 times (including the day he died). I avoided going to the cemetery because it would click in my mind that my dad had passed away and because of my PTSD I would relive the day he died over and over again. The times I did go to the grave, it would be difficult to leave because I felt like I was leaving him there. Leaving him alone in the rain and cold. It made me feel guilty. During my last couple of counselling sessions I went down to the cemetery. I sat in my spot next to his gravestone and I just sat there in silence. There were tears, but no pain or hurt. No anger. After a while I got up, stood over him, said goodbye and went home. There was no guilt about leaving, not like how it had been in the past. This visit was different and that’s how I knew I had accepted his death and I was ready to move on with my life.
Do I believe everything happens for a reason? I still find it debatable. I do believe that the universe will challenge us. Push us to our limits and teach us about ourselves, others and life by testing us with difficult situations. The rest is up to us. We decide how we cope with those situations. I’ll admit, I didn’t cope with my dads death in the best way and I haven’t coped very well with challenges I have been faced with in the years after, but everything I have been through and everything I have learnt in the past 10 years has lead me to this day today. It has lead me to take this next big step in my life by moving to Australia in August. I feel our energies and souls are all on a path. When difficult times challenge us, our physical bodies can lead us down a dark path, but I believe our energies and souls will guide us back on the right path. The path that is covered in positivity, light and love.
Listen to your intuition.
Love you all so much,