It’s a topic that I cannot seem to get my family members (mostly my mum) to understand. I have absolutely no plans to ever have children.
In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever been a fan of babies or children. I live in a community where young parents (some younger than me) is the norm and I just don’t get it. Call me selfish if you may, but I could never give up the youngest years of my life, for the responsibilities that my older self should be dealing with. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against young parents. In my eyes they are very brave to be taking on a responsibility of a child and they should be proud of that, but that life isn’t for me. I see them uploading pictures of their babies or children on social media and I don’t feel anything. I don’t think “aww that’s adorable” or get broody or anything! I don’t feel or think anything. God forbid if someone asks me to hold their baby. Even being around children or babies it doesn’t feel natural to me. Stick me with a bunch of puppies, kittens, piglets, foals, chicks, ducklings, even lion cubs and I would feel 100% at home and at ease. There is just something un-nerving I find about babies and children which I still don’t quite understand myself.
There were times where I doubted myself. I thought that if I ever do have children one day, that I would be a terrible mother. I used to think that my child would end up being taken off me and put into child services because of how shitty of a mother I was. But a couple of years ago I realised, that in this day and age, I feel that sometimes we are pressured to be parents. That it’s either not normal or pointless to not have children. I know it has been referred to as a ‘waste’ if a lady decides she doesn’t want her own children and it’s disgusting. We are all humans, we are all capable of making our own choices, especially when it comes to OUR OWN BODIES and we shouldn’t feel any pressure from society.
When it comes to discussing the topic with my mum, she can get a bit aggy and distressed at the thought of not having grand children. Personally I think she needs to understand there is very little chance of me having children and she pester my brother about the subject instead of me. However, I have always said that I would never plan on having children, but if I am married to my soul mate, we are happy and financially stable I might consider it if I happen to fall pregnant. I’m still unsure as to whether I would plan on having a child or not and I can’t really say for definite yet as I’m not married to my soul mate or financially stable. In the past I have doubted and feared what my motherly skills would be like, but naturally my motherly instincts are pretty on point. When it comes to my boys (L, Z, M, Barney and Bubbles), I cannot stress enough how you do not talk shit about them and you do not talk shit to them. I’d like to see you try to bring your negative energy around my boys whilst I’m there. Jog on mate. Just don’t even bother! I now don’t doubt my abilities as a mother. I know if I ever have a child, my motherly instincts will kick in and I will be the best mum ever (the child might disagree…), but that doesn’t change the fact that I can see myself having the best future and being so happy without children. I don’t need children to make me happy and my future looks amazing without them. Even picturing myself as a mother, my future still looks amazing. Slightly more stressful but still amazing.
I’ll admit, the thought of giving birth does terrify me. Don’t get me started on baby bumps. I do not, and I don’t think I ever will understand people’s obsessions with them. They creep me out and send shivers down my spine. It’s even worse when you see they baby move INSIDE ANOTHER HUMAN! God no! So yes, I’ll admit, that part of parenthood terrifies me but explaining this to others they get the impression that this is the main reason as to why I don’t want children. That’s when they give me the “The pain doesn’t matter once your baby is out” or “It’s all worth it in the end” I DO NOT CARE! That has absolutely no relevance at all to my life choice. I’m a tough cookie, I know I’ll be able to tolerate the pain (with the help of the meds from the doctors of course) but that’s not the point. For me, I think I would rather adopt than have my own and no, it’s not because of the pain of childbirth…but because there is a baby/child out there who has no parents and might not know what being loved/wanted feels like and that hurts me. We are so quick to bring our own genetic children into the world, and rightly so, but we don’t actually realise how many children there are out there just waiting to be adopted. Children who might have tragic pasts and need help, guidance or understanding. If I ever change my mind and decide I actually want children, I’m going to be more likely to adopt than have my own.
Obviously, time will tell. Time can change a lot of things so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I’m remaining open to the future, but at the moment I have no plans for children till my 30’s at least. So mum, if you ever read this one day, I hope you finally understand.
Sending my love to you all,