We’re almost half way through this year, and although it has been quite possibly the best year of my life so far, I still can’t help but fixate on this one thing in my head.
I have boobs. Boobs are in my family. I’m pretty much known for having big boobs. They are both a blessing and a curse, but I love to flaunt them! They kinda just appeared out of nowhere. In high school I was pretty flat chested and some of the girls who already had their boobs liked to point that out (who’s laughing now bitches). When I started going on nights out I loved to wear low-cut tops or dresses and just flaunt them! But I found it opened me up to a lot of comments from other people. Some from girls, some from boys. The boys would mainly say how much of a slag I must be and the girls, ooh they could cut deep! Real deep.
When it comes to social media, we are opened up even more to harsh comments from people who we might not know and they might not know us either! For me personally, I haven’t had an experience with any online ‘trolls’, so I can only imagine the damage it must do to someone who is a victim but I’ve found a lot of comments from trolls, are on pictures where people might be showing more skin than usual. Is that a bad thing? Is it fuck!! Its THEIR social media account. Its THEIR god damn body. If you don’t like it REMOVE YOURSELF. But seriously…for regular people like me, it’s as though there are rules as to what you can and can’t post. Celebrities don’t seem to have these rules. They post whatever they want, but they have a right to, its their account? So why does it sometimes feel like if I was the post a picture similar to what Rihanna would post, that I would get comments like ‘what the fuck are you doing?’. Maybe its all in my head. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of mole hills. Wouldn’t surprise me, I’ve done that plenty of times before!
However my confidence shines when I wear lingerie. Everything to do with lingerie I love! If I had any idea about fashion, I would 100% create my own lingerie line. It makes me feel confident, sexy and when you wear a corset and suspenders it feels like you can rule the world! But god knows what would happen if I posted a lingerie picture on my Instagram account. It would be so random, people might think I’ve gone crazy! I’m not talking nude type pictures. Something a bit more classier! Like a snapshot of a suspenders belt or a close up of a corset but even this still gives me fear and my head fills with what ifs! I see ladies on social media posting pictures that express their sexuality and confidence and ooh I’m so envious! I wish I could do that too but I think my head gets in the way more than reality.
Although I have had body confidence issues in the past, this year I feel good about my body. I feel confident about my body. I want to shout and scream it from the rooftop, but something is holding me back. The doubt. The what if’s. What if I post this picture on social media thinking I look good, but people comment saying I look like shit. What if I post this picture and people lose their minds over it because it’s so out of the ordinary from my usual posts! The possibilities are endless but yes I know that’s all created in my own head but that’s anxiety for you! I’m not looking for other people’s approval. I couldn’t give two shits about that. I’m just dreading how people might react to a post that just pushes my personal boundaries. But that’s what I want. I want to break rules and push boundaries! I just don’t quite have the confidence in myself to do so yet. I want to express my true self but I feel stuck in a place where it feels wrong to do so.
But I feel like 2018 is the year for change. I’m hoping, that soon I’ll be able to post a picture on my social media account that makes me feel confident and sexy. A picture that gives me confidence on days where I might feel insecure. A picture to remind myself of how far I’ve come.
Overall, it’s a shame how much social media plays a big role in our lives, but I vow that one day, soon, I will get the courage and I will post a picture that will allow me to flaunt myself and you should too! Post that picture that makes you feel good about yourself! Break the rules! Push the boundaries! You got this!
I’ll be sure to keep you all updated!
Love you all lots,