So I’ll explain the image first. My mum is ones of those mums that always sends thank you cards. It’s cute and polite, but it’s also kinda lame🙄. I stayed at my uncle’s house last weekend and she bought him a thank you card, bottle of wine and chocolates for me to give to him🙄. She gave me this thank you card today…
P.s I smoke weed
So today was my last counselling session, and I can safely say i am happy! I’ve finally discovered who i am and who i am meant to be. After years of not knowing who i truly was, i am now able to see my true self and I’m alright! I’m gonna be alright. Its been a journey but in less than a year I’ve gone from feeling hopeless and depressed to feeling happiness and freedom! Freedom from that black hole i was stuck in. I can breathe without my chest feeling tight. I can move without feeling weighed down. For the first time ever i don’t have to worry about flashbacks or panic attacks.
I started my counselling May last year. I started off with 11/12 weeks of online counselling via a website called Silvercloud. This was ideal for me to start off with as I had such difficulty talking about my past and my issues. There were modules I worked through that helped me understand my mental issues. It made me realise I wasn’t crazy! I wasn’t born this way, it’s just some wires went a bit loose over the years.
Once i had completed all the modules on Silvercloud i went on to do one to one counselling. It was mainly focused around anxiety and CBT therapy for my PTSD. The first few weeks we spoke about what will happen when the therapy starts and ways to cope. My first few sessions I didn’t really talk much, I thought it all seemed pointless, but once the therapy started all these emotions erupted out of me. It was a relief, but it was draining. It had an affect on my home, work and social life. It all needed to come out though, otherwise I would still be in that black hole. The therapy went on for about 8 months having an hour session once a week. It got a lot harder before it got better. There were times where I dreaded going to the sessions. To get me through it all I had one image in my head. It was an image of what my life could be like once I got through this. Imagining the happiness, light and confidence. It gave me hope. It gave me faith in myself. I knew I could do it this time.
I have a few people to thank for getting me here. My mother. She’s always been there when I needed a laugh or a hug. She does my head in and annoys the fuck out of me but she has been amazing through all of this. Her sister (my auntie) has been there for whenever i needed to rant about mum, life, work, counselling or how much i annoy myself. Considering how much she has going on herself, she’s always managed to put others first.
My boys. L and Z my bestfriends, and then of course my dog Barney and horse Bubbles. Truly blessed to have these four in my life.
And of course my counsellor J. If it wasn’t for her I definitely would not be where i am today and I would still be stuck in my living hell. She’s someone has always 100% listened to me. She’s listened to my thoughts and feelings and seen me at my worst and now, my best. I cannot thank her enough.
I know how hard it can be to keep looking forward when you’re constantly being reminded about the past. It’s shit. Very shit. It makes life a lot harder, but I feel, one day you will reach a point where you think ‘Fuck this. I am done with this crap.’ and boom, that’s when the start of your new life begins! A new life filled with love, happiness and freedom. It’s worth it.
Always here for everybody!
Love you lots,